Sally, Butler Essay: Gender Trouble

The first time it happened, I was taken by surprise and had to laugh. I was called a dude, as in "Duuude!" It was a friendly utterance by a college student; I knew at that moment that things have really changed in our society! I was a 48 year old mother of two and I was a "dude"! Kinda cool! I have to admit, I liked it (maybe it was more because it was such a youthful label); I felt honored, in a sense, that I would be included in that special group! Labels, words, signifiers - how complex they can be if we aren't up on the true meanings and the shifts in meaning that inevitably occur.

I raised this topic with some other young men and found it to be a common dilemma among men. It turns out, they find certain conversations with females (they are all in college) to be so challenging that they basically stay away from certain topics unless they are feeling particulary confrontive or spunky. Those topics have to do with feminism and crosses over into traditional female/male relationships. For example, we've all heard of the dilemma facing men when they open a door for a female - they will either be thanked, ignored, or berrated. It truly is a dilemma because that action is one of courtesy, regardless of gender. But, courtesy becomes confused with feminism for some females, in particular.

Certainly, females are entitled to equal pay for equal work, same opportunities for sports, etc. So, when the male college student includes his female friends with an inclusive term such as "dude," why is there such a split reaction from females? Some females (I'm being careful here not to call my female cohorts "gals") like the term. They see it as "all things becoming equal." It does not diminish their identity as a female. Other times females give the males icy stares or confront the young man and accuse him of being disrespectful. What is a guy to do? lol

I recently saw a movie, an independent film The Puffy Chair that did a take on the "dude" trend. The setting was the typical boyfriend standing outside the window of the mad girlfriend trying to get her attention. He called her "dude"..... she smiled...and all was well. She saw the meaning behind the label and recognized the intent for what it was. That sparked a conversation with one of my college age sons who related to the scene in the movie for several reasons. He described a couple of instances when he had called a girl "dude" and got blasted for it. Then, he described other instances where he did the same, and she was ok with it. In either case, the girl was someone he liked and they each enjoyed each others company, i.e., he considered her a friend.

In short, women have achieved great success in the equalization of the sexes and there's still much to do. However, they need to be consistent in what they are demanding. All things being equal, a female (if she is truly a feminist) should see beyond the label and recognize when a male is seeking to equalize a relationship by using the same labels for males and females - he chooses not to discriminate, in other words. Of course, we females are complex creatures and maybe even we are not so clear on what we want regarding equality. I appreciate a door being opened for me, but I'm very independent, too. I DO thank the male for the courtesy, though. Butler states: "The masculine/feminine binary constitutes not only the exclusive framework in which that specificity can be recognized, but in every other way the 'specificity' of the feminine is once again fully decontextualized ...and make the singular notion of identity a misnomer." (194) Feminists need to be open to the context of any given situation or comment as they move ahead in their quest for equality. The new anthem for everyone could be the song, All the Young Dudes, by Mott the Hoople - a British band from the 70's.