GM pre 25 Sept., Don’t Knock Virtual Reality Sex.

Hey, it’s late. Your wife and kids are fast asleep. You’re drunk, and in desperate need of the services of a really experienced hooker, one with an extremely, large capacity for abstract thought. The dilemma: do you dial up one of the many fine looking ladies on craigslist; have her come straight over for $200.00, risking a home invasion in the process, not to mention waking up your mean old wife, who has to catch the 5:00 am bus to work; or, do you tempt fate, again, and dance the Tanqueray-two-step out to your five-hundred horse power, fully loaded, Ford, POS gas hog and hit the south trail looking for Ms. Right.
You’re not alone in your plight because there are millions of men, and women, who face this same question, this debilitating confusion on a nightly basis. Finally, a solution, a miracle for those of you who suffer, who are in need of sexual gratification when you want it; where you want it, and with whom, or with what, you want it with it. I’m talking about VIRTUAL REALTY SEX.
For a one time fee of $149.99, you’ll be able to fulfill all of your most twisted and perverted, sexual needs. All while keeping the streets safe from your drunken driving; and, without the risk of bringing something home to mama that Clorox want even wash off.
Just imagine, after mama and the kiddies are in bed; you’re blasted out of your mind on crack and booze and the only thing you have to worry about is being able to function well enough to install the Virtual Reality Sex Disc into your kid’s video game machine. Then just sit back, have another drink, take another hit, all while having a threesome with Jessica Alba and Elizabeth Taylor. All in the relative safety of your drive-by free home. God Bless America.