Justin, 9/25

I had a really long, interesting debate with my girlfriend last night that I actually used a lot of points from class in to defend my argument. The debate started because she said something to which I replied, "Oh, shut up," in the way you would say "Oh, give me a break," to one of your friends. There was no hostility behind it-- it was just a comfortable reaction that is natural for me to use around my friends. The point is that she took offense to me telling her to shut up. Now I can definitely understand why it would seem disrespectful to tell somebody to shut up, just in the same way that it would be to tell someone, completely out of context, to kiss your ass. But I don't think it's unfair to say that our society has gotten to a point where there are phrases that can easily be used between friends without causing offense. If my friend sees me slip and fall, and then laughs at me about it, I would probably say something like "Kiss my ass." It's a way for me to, as I like to call it, "keep my gloves up", like a boxer. But she argued that telling someone to shutup is disrespectful, no matter the context. She even went so far as to say that it was even worse with her being a woman, pointing out that our society still hadn't reached a level of equality. Therefore she felt belittled by a man exercising power over her.
It really blew my mind. I won't get much into the feminist angle because it's a whole different argument, although I will say that I believe it's an example of simulacra in that she relates it to something that, though I'm not trying to trivialize her opinions and experiences, I don't really believe she's felt to a great extent. She was relating our conversation to an idea which was completely absent between us, and for me to take into account that she was a woman would be, in my opinion, a step backward. I was talking to her the same way I would talk to any friend, not as a superior nor an inferior.
What I felt the argument related to most was our previous discussion of logocentrism and the importance of context. She felt that the phrase "shut up" carried a message that was associated with disrespect. I tried to point out that, in this context, there wasn't any disrespect because I hadn't intended any in my message.
It really amazed me how long the debate took, because to me it was perfectly clear. I understood where she was coming from and I didn't want to hurt feelings. I also understand that there are certain words that can't help but carry a certain weight with them no matter what the context. But I realized just how difficult clear communication is to achieve. If I can't speak to someone as close and understanding as my girlfriend without getting into a debate over the language I use, what about everybody else I talk to? How often do I say something that carries a whole different signal to the person receiving it?
In the end, I tried to convince her that between separate interactions you have to go through a process of leaving your baggage at the door. Generally, words without context have no meaning. But it was as hard for her to accept as it would have been for me to tell her she practiced the wrong religion. People develop relationships with certain words, and the words become a part of them. It was really very interesting to see how important and difficult clear, unbiased communication is to achieve.